Life has taken me on several journeys. I have been on 3 different career paths, and I had to change course based on one factor alone: moving to a place that can't support that career choice.
I got my degree in Landscape Architecture, got married, moved to Ohio for the spouse to get a PhD. The LA field was dead and buried in Ohio... and had been for a while. So, what did I do? I applied to be an intern in any other field. I landed a gig in graphic design, and I figured out how to be a designer for those 5 years there. Then, the spouse got a job offer, and we moved to the Netherlands. For a crazy awesome adventure, I traded in that career path. I wasn't sure what to do with myself for the first few months moving here... I would go for walks and runs to think through my anxiety. I did a 365-photography project because I thought I might become a photographer... and I read books. That's what started this. At the time, there was zero fan art (that I could find) of Throne of Glass (MY HOW TIME HAS CHANGED!), and I wanted to picture the characters. So I practiced drawing them... of course, then, my practicing was tracing over reference images and making the face look as close to the original as possible...
Fortunately, I've moved away from that. I can now reference an image and draw from scratch. I can't quite make it exact, yet, but it's getting closer!
Still, I'm approaching another fork in the road. It's time to either get another job (start a new career), or choose to pursue this... And become a 'real' illustrator.
I'm not sure what I want. Do I want to make this my forever career path? There's so much to gamble! There are so many talented artists out there, and can I make my place among them? It's easy to get lost in the sea of talent... simply overlooked.... not even to mention the fact that they are significantly more talented than I am (currently). Do I want to fight that fight to make it work? It will be a long, arduous task... one that will never feel like "I made it," I suspect. Do I even think I am good enough?
I have all these questions running through my head... and a big question mark sits in my gut.
And, I've decided. I choose this. I want to make this work. I'm going to give it everything I have... even if I have to give up the Netherlands for it. That's the hardest part... but it's either choose or lose. And I choose.